Single People Deserve a Plus One to Your Wedding
A few years ago, my friend Kelly got married. Her wedding checked all the boxes for a successful marriage reception: Delicious food, an open bar, and a filled dance floor. I was eating, drinking and being merry for the first several hours of the event. Then the mood shifted.
The music transitioned from fast and upbeat to slow and quiet. Single and dateless, I walked off the dance floor and back to my table, watching as the other guests slow danced the night away. I felt like a pathetic teenager whose prom date had stood her up in one of those cheesy 90s rom-coms.
As someone who has spent the better part of her life as a high-functioning single adult, I rarely feel lonely or even alone. Contrary to popular belief, there are several perks to leading a single life. For one, I can live wherever I want and make decisions completely on my own terms. It has helped me understand myself better, and that sense of independence is something I bring into every relationship (and something I value in a partner, too).
But on Kelly’s wedding day, as I sat at an empty table and counted the minutes until the end of the slow dance, I felt that my single-ism was a burden rather than a benefit.
Our romance-centric society likes to tell us that being single is supposed to be a temporary state, a period of limbo we endure before we meet someone who “completes us.” Finding The One is the ultimate destination and anything before it is unimportant. That’s why we throw large parties for our friends who get married, but other significant life events like starting a business, publishing a book or climbing one of the world’s tallest peaks go virtually unrecognized.
It’s true what they say: Money can’t buy you love. However, it seems that love can buy you money. That’s why the wedding industry brings in over $50 billion per year. It’s why the average American spends the equivalent of three months’ salary on an engagement ring. And it’s why we spend twice as much money on guests who are married or in a committed relationship than those who are single.
It’s time to extend plus-ones to single wedding guests. Just because we’re not in a committed relationship, doesn’t mean we don’t have people we want to share an evening with. Some of us have best friends, casual but fun romantic flings and others we’d be honored to introduce you to.
I’ve made this case to my friends before, most of them already married or planning weddings in the near future. It didn’t go over well.
“If I give you a plus-one, then I have to give [insert other single person] a plus one,” said one of my best friends, who is currently planning a large wedding.
“That would get so expensive,” a married colleague told me on a different occasion.
These are fair points. Weddings are not cheap and plus ones only add to the bill. It would be financially irresponsible to suggest every guest must receive a plus one. But here’s where their logic is flawed: As it is, people planning weddings are spending more money on acquaintances that they maybe talked to once in the last five years — simply because they’re in a relationship — than their best friends who just happen to be single. That doesn’t add up. What if we all vowed to give our best friends and closest companions the option to bring a date, regardless of their relationship status? By giving these guests a plus one, you’re investing in your relationship with them. And you can rest assured that they have someone to slow dance with, platonically or otherwise, before the night is over.
Perhaps this gesture is more symbolic than anything. It’s a recognition that all relationships carry some significance, even if they’re not romantic in nature. It’s time we treat these ties with the weight they deserve.
